As the Beatles sang, “I get by with a little help from my friends.”

I want to expand on last week’s “Beta” post and the benefits of sharing and communicating this hidden information and helping one another as we all struggle together to navigate challenges. I’ll discuss the timing of that information, when to ask for help, and when to accept help (even if you don’t think you need it).

As previously established, project climbers work the same route (project) for long periods of time. They love beta, obsess over it, have thousands of moves stored in their mind. They are the keepers of information. They have accepted that they need as much information (beta) as possible if they are going to send (complete) their projects. They understand that there is usually a better way, a more efficient way, to do the route, but in the end, they accept that they must choose the path that suits their style.

The on-sight climber, on the other hand, refuses beta, since the whole point of an on-sight is to do a route your first try without any beta. It is a social blunder in climbing culture to shout beta at a climber during their on-sight attempt (their first time on the route). Once they fall or take the possibility of an on-sight is over and it’s okay to shout as much beta at them as you (or they) want.

I can’t help myself: when I see people struggling, whether they ask for help or not, I give it. I enjoy giving information and helping people navigate challenges, whether it’s in climbing, business, or life. In climbing, shouting information at a climber is called spraying beta, and, boy, do I. I can give you running information in real time, exactly how to do each and every single move on a route that I have wired (meaning I have it down really, really well).

Sure, I probably do it more in climbing, but I do it anytime I see someone struggling.

I work at a park, which acts as a rest stop for a lot of folks passing through since it’s the only public restroom in the area. Every day, I see all kinds of panicked people, faced with the urgent need to relieve themselves. They race up to the building as quickly as possible. In these moments, there is no time for obstacles, struggles or challenges, not when you have to poo.

For years I watched as women struggled with the restroom door, which opens by pushing in. Unfortunately, it had a handle on the exterior, which is confusing to people, because when you see a handle you think, “I have to pull.” It’s not their fault; their brain has been primed, it sees a handle and thinks “pull,” and then nothing happens. They try it again … still nothing.

They were pulling the door closed, into the door jamb. It didn’t matter how hard they tried, the door never opened for them, so they assumed it was locked. If I was in the area, they would flag me down, tell me the situation, and I would give them the beta.

That’s what I do—I help people so they don’t crap their pants.

The first few times that this happened with the door, it didn’t really register what was going on. I checked the door, pushed on it, and said, “See! Here you go.”

Eventually, I caught on. One day I saw someone do it, and thought, “Yeah … that handle has got to go.”

How often are we trying the wrong beta in climbing and life? How often do we see a handle and pull, when really you need to ignore the handle and push? We all do silly stuff like this. We read the sequence wrong, but in hindsight the solution is so obvious. In climbing, we would have called that door handle a sucker hold. It was so enticing, yet the most evident way is actually not the way at all.

(I eventually removed the handle and added a metal plate which indicates that you need to push. That seems to have solved the problem.)

What I find interesting is that some people get really angry when you try to help them, as though you have attacked their intelligence. Of course we want to figure out problems on our own and prove that we are competent and capable people, but the truth is, we all need help sometime.

When I’m starting a new project or get stuck, I ask my mentor, “Hey, what’d you do at the crux sequence?”

Then we go into a lengthy mimed conversation ( standing, facing each other, so it’s not weird or anything) and we spend the next 5 minutes teleporting to the wall mentally, and actually working out the moves.

“Wait, wait … you said foot hand match? Then explode up to a shitty thumb gaston and go again to a credit-card crimp?”

“No way! You use that thing? That’s god awful.”

“Yeah…”

“I see, I see. Yeah, I was afraid you would say that … yeah, that’s my bad shoulder ….”

“Well, one time, I was able to go up direct. Just reverse the sequence, grab the hold with your right hand instead and just crank. I mean, you could try it.”

“Yeah ,” I would mutter, paused to think if that was a viable option, “I have to get up there and try it.”

This is usually how our coaching sessions go if we are talking at home. While we’re on the wall we shout up and down across 80 feet of air while hikers urge their young children up the Little Si trail and our voices echo through the forest.

“NO! You have to lean left even more. Get that heal into your junk, sit on it!”

“Did you get 3 fingers onto the hold? Did you get it good?”

We have these moves memorized. Thousands of tiny details cataloged in our minds. And it doesn’t do me any good to leave it locked up, so I share, I give it away generously. Maybe it will help the next person, maybe they will use it, maybe they will improve upon the idea—it’s iterative after all—but at least I put it out there.

My reason for sharing the information in this blog comes from this need to help others. If there is something, a way, key beta, that I know that will help someone do their problem, complete their project, in climbing, business, or life, then I have done my part by sharing what I know.

It’s okay to ask for help, it’s okay to receive help even if you don’t want it—if someone is spraying beta (like me), don’t take it the wrong way, they probably just want to help.

Life is hard enough without information, don’t go being a hero trying to figure it all out on your own just to prove a point. I love to experience life, and work out problems myself, it’s how I learn, but some problems are so complex that it will be difficult enough even with beta. It’s still up to you to do the moves.