The climber/belayer relationship is built on respect and trust. I mean, think about it, the belayer literally has the climber’s life in his hands.

Over my career, I have chosen to climb mostly with the same few partners, people who I trust to do what they need to do, so I can do what I need to do while I’m on the wall.

Many of my partnerships run the length of the season, or several seasons. We are together several days a week, and watch each other progress on our projects. We get to know our partners very well. We see their development, know the sequences of their routes, know when they clip, how much slack they want in the rope, where they struggle, where their high point is.

Though in many respects sport climbing is a solo venture, that is, you are on the wall doing the route yourself, it should be considered a team effort. You couldn’t do what you do without your belayer.

During epic dogging sessions, the team moves as one. It is a series of quick commands, shouting back and forth between the two so that they are able to manage the rope together.

“Take … Slack … I’m in D … Clipping up … Climbing … Okay, I’m on … I’m off … I’m going to jug up … Dirt.”

I can tell I’ve been with a partner a long time when half the commands are intuited, based on their style. You know what they are going to do and what they need.

When I am climbing with new or unfamiliar people, I’m always a little more hesitant to do a hard move, not as comfortable; I am distracted, and focused more on what they are going to do, rather than doing what I need to do. Are they going to short-rope me during the crux clip? Are they paying attention? All of these concerns can get in your head and undermine your performance.

Trust builds over time, over the course of several successful months or seasons climbing together. This trust is key because when your mind is free, when you don’t have to worry about rope management and what your belayer is doing, you can focus all of your attention on the movement, on breathing, on trying to send, on doing your job.

Mutual respect is a key component of a successful climber/belayer relationship.

I don’t shout at my partners, or call them names because they won’t do a move. I don’t make them feel bad if they need to top-rope their projects so they feel more comfortable leading the sketchy run-out sections. I understand and respect why they do it, because I do it too. I make sure they feel comfortable so they can be successful.

If someone sketches you out, don’t climb with them. They have your life in their hands. If someone is toxic and gets you down (or worse, tries to tear you down), find someone else who is positive and gets you psyched.

I love this line from Marie Forleo: “Respect is something that you bring.”

Respect is the attitude you have, and all the ways that you demonstrate that attitude to yourself and to everyone around you. It is action.

Respect can be given away freely, it doesn’t cost you a thing to give it. Respect is the foundation of trust, which is earned over time.

These sorts of dynamics aren’t just on the wall, or in life and death situations, they exist at home and at work.

Ask yourself, are you bringing respect for yourself and others? Are you behaving in a way other people can trust? If you aren’t bringing these things, why would you expect it from anyone else first?