In one of our many personal development conversations, we determined that my wife Kim is a jellyfish. (Meine kleine Qualle is German for “my little jellyfish”.)

If you’ve ever had the delight of watching jellyfish swim in an aquarium, you know they’re beautiful creatures, graceful in their movements. But out of their natural environment, like when they wash up on the beach, they become immobile, helpless to change their situation.

(An aside: Apparently, jellyfish are effectively immortal; they can only die from injury or disease.)

One thing we’ve learned in our 10 years together is that Kim requires a rigid external structure. She does best when she has schedules, events, co-workers, and instructors to work with her and hold her accountable.

Her natural environment is academia; it’s where she pushes herself to her limits. By her nature, she can’t do it on her own. She needs a coach, a mentor, accountability buddies, in short, the proper environment and conditions. For her it’s not the same to read Adam Smith’s Wealth of Nations on her own as it is to participate in seminars with a group of committed fellow students like she had during her graduate program at St. John’s College.

It used to drive me crazy. I could never understand how someone who is so motivated to do something just won’t take steps to do it. When I want something done, I do it. But Kim doesn’t do that. She spends her energy seeking an external structure that will focus her and keep her going.

For years, I tried to show her how I get shit done, but it never worked for her. She couldn’t create her own program, but while she went to St. John’s and worked in the structured academic environment that she loves, she excelled. When she came home, outside of her environment, she could never recreate that same level of discipline on her own.

In the end, we have learned to appreciate our differences in this area. One style, environment, or set of requirements isn’t superior to the other; we have different needs, drivers, and motivations that get us going and keep us going.

We’re all like jellyfish. Out of our environment, out of our water, we’re done. You can’t feel bad because you need specific environmental conditions to thrive, and you can’t effectively compare yourselves to others. You need to know what YOU need and then create that arena.

Once you stop pounding square pegs in round holes and accept the waters you need, you’ll dance like my little jellyfish.